7 Tips to Stop Bad-Mouthing Yourself

Is this you? You have a voice in your head. It talks all the time, but you don’t always hear it because you’ve heard it so often it’s easy to ignore. This voice points out your flaws and mistakes. This is negative self-talk—bad-mouthing yourself, destroying your self-confidence, and sabotaging your success.

Negative self-talk gets in your head, courtesy of earlier experiences and negative input from people who don’t have your best interests at heart.  Once there, it is a bad song playing over and over, often in the background, until you quit trying. Your dreams fade and you find yourself not doing much at all.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You can take your life back and put an end to the negative self-talk once and for all. Try these things:

Find the Calm

First of all, when you’re overly emotional and overwhelmed mentally you can’t combat anything. Find a quiet place and sit down. Bring your attention to your breath, letting go of thoughts and sensations, returning to the breath again and again until you can reach a peaceful place internally. Even a minute or two of mindful breathing can help. Journaling also helps a lot by getting those thoughts outside yourself where you can actually see it.

Listen to What You’re Thinking

Don’t avoid the negative thought. Listen to it. Really listen. What is it saying? Try writing the thought or thoughts down. Whose voice does it sound like? There is a committee in your head, very willing to sabotage your confidence in yourself. Meet the committee head-on!

Dig into the Root Cause

What does this thought represent? Where did it come from? Is this from an expectation you put on yourself at some point, or does it come from someone else entirely?

Drop the Unreasonable Expectation

Perfection is a killer. It stops you dead in your tracks, keeping you from finishing or starting things. Are you trying too hard to be perfect in some regard? Is there a more reasonable expectation you can put on yourself in the place of this thought?  Fear of failure

Shift the Thought

What is the positive side to this thought? For example, if you’re worried about doing something new, remind yourself of a time when you tackled a new project and it turned out well. How good did that feel?

Habits are Key

If this thought is one which comes around often, what is a new thought or thoughts you want to replace it with? Write it down. How can you make this thought a habit? The more you react in a new way to an old stimulus, the quicker a new habit is formed, and the old reaction disappears.

Just Stop

In the end, the way to get rid of a negative thought is to consciously put a halt to it. Now that you are aware of the negative thoughts, you can work on shifting your thinking. Give the Committee an eviction notice and tell yourself to stop when the idea comes up again. Remind yourself of your replacement thought and use it.

Ask yourself “Would I talk to anyone else the way I talk to myself?” Be your own best friend and talk kindly to yourself!

Positive Self-Talk and Your Health

How Positive Self-Talk Helps You Care For Yourself

Did you know that the way you think could significantly dictate your health and how you take care of yourself?

Yes, as it turns out, it does matter how you look at the glass being half full or half empty. If you’re a woman, it is even more important to cultivate positive self-talk, because of the proven benefits to your health.

And just to be clear—those voices in your head are there every hour of our waking existence, even if you’ve never taken the time to notice. Read on to learn how noticing what you say to yourself can help you.

Positive Self-Talk Reduces Stress

Regardless of what anyone would have you believe, the fact is women are exposed to more stressful situations than men. It is the way of the maternal provider, as women are typically tasked with home and child rearing responsibilities, in addition to also perhaps being fully employed.

You’ve had those days when stress gets the better of you- maybe the kids are sick, or there’s an issue of some kind that urgently needs fixing.  Depressing self-talk can lead to a negative spiral. Negative emotions spiral down, pulling us into ever darker, unhappier and more painful states. Use positive self-talk to re-affirm to yourself that you are capable, that you will survive, and that you are smart and absolutely good enough. Never feel insignificant—that is the fastest way to compound negative emotions.

Positive Self-Talk Motivates You

Be proactive and self-motivated. A great example of this is going to the gym. Was this one of your 2019 resolutions? It’s easy to find ways to talk yourself out of going, right? On the flip side of the coin,  it is very doable to talk yourself into going. Maybe you want to fit into those flattering pair of jeans this summer, or look totally gorgeous in that bridesmaid dress you are set to wear in the coming months.

Positive Self-Talk Improves Relationships

These can be relationships with friends or family, but are more often associated with a significant other. Positive thoughts and self-talk is beneficial to build a healthy relationship. The confidence of knowing that you are valued and worth a damn is the way to get the respect you deserve. Do not devalue yourself, as it is very possible the world would start seeing you the way you see yourself. So see yourself as your best possible self—the person you know you are and want the world to see.

It Helps You During Times Of Great Difficulty

Financial hardships are a common occurrence to many people today and end up breaking the best of us. However, instead of wallowing in self-pity, helpful self-talk is the way to go. If you have a fixed income job, you could talk yourself into picking up a side gig using a skill you have or you can make a goal of doing better next month (if your livelihood depends on sales and marketing).

Some women take loss too personal, for example the end of a relationship. Grieving is normal, but it is important for you to realize that you gave it your best.

 Positive Self Talk Is Good For Your Health

Women who practice positive self-talk regularly are at the lowest risk of developing certain chronic conditions, such as heart disease. Stress plays a large role in development of high blood pressure and heart disease, and- you guessed it, positive talk does wonders. Your immune system is also boosted “no germs can keep me down!”

Start talking to yourself! Don’t know what to say? Here’s a folding micro-journal to help. Fits in your pocket. Self confidence Affirmation Journal

Brain Freeze: When Your Brain is Hijacked by Stress.

Stress isn’t, in and of itself, a bad thing. It’s a natural process designed to protect or at least prepare us for imminent danger. Stress helps us run fast to catch a train, or run away from a threat. It’s the trigger to our fight or flight response. Stress motivates us to stop procrastinating and get our work done.

In small doses and for a short time, stress is a good thing—but it’s a big problem when we are under too much stress and when it’s constant. Chronic stress causes negative side effects and health issues like high blood pressure and heart disease. Stress is kind of a trickster. It builds up slowly and sneaks up on us, because we get used to being overworked and overstimulated. But your body knows and forces us to slow down.

It isn’t just our body–our brain rebels too. Maybe you noticed your decisions are more difficult when you are under pressure. Stress impairs our thinking—the brain shuts down too and you find yourself operating with 10-15 (some say 20) less IQ points. Why? Because the prefrontal cortex, which is our executive functioning and decision-making region of the brain is impacted. When there is any fear or anxiety the amygdala region of the brain, your emotional center, jumps to attention and takes resources away from the executive decision making of the prefrontal cortex. A chain reaction causes resources (blood and oxygen) to leave the prefrontal cortex, and your IQ plummets. It can seem easier to put off a decision, make a bad one or no decision at all. Brain freeze is something we have all experienced at some time.

Matthew Lieberman, a neuroscientist has found an inverse relationship between the activation of amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. When the amygdala is active with blood and oxygen, there is less activation in the prefrontal cortex. Our thinking power is hijacked and our problem solving ability plummets, because the blood and oxygen are in the amygdala versus the prefrontal cortex. Tunnel vision is the survival reaction of the of the amygdala–you just can’t see everything.

Any strong emotion, fear, stress, anxiety, anger, joy, or betrayal trips off that pesky amygdala and impairs the prefrontal cortex’s working memory. Powerful emotions overwhelm rationality. That is why when we are emotionally upset or stressed we can’t think straight. The IQ points we need to carefully consider decisions are depleted temporarily.

Quick Stress Buster: Take A Breath

It’s time for a quick stress buster–something you can do anytime or anywhere to relieve tension and stress. It’s as simple as taking a deep breath.

That’s right. The simple act of taking a few deliberate and slow breaths can do you a world of good. It’s relaxing, supplies the body with plenty of fresh oxygen, and relives any tension you have built up.

Get Some Fresh Air

Getting out in the fresh air (today in Minnesota it’s a bit bracing) but it’s worth it. Moving around a little, and simply breathing is a very effective way to release tension, relax, and rejuvenate. You may be worried that it’s a waste of time, especially when you’re on a tight deadline, but trust me and give it a try. You’ll find yourself coming back from a short walk with a lot more energy and a much clearer mind. You’ll easily make up the time you spent outside and feel better.

What are some other ways you might ease your stress and bring your brain back to full power?


Finding a Mentor

Knowing exactly how you want your mentors to help you move forward can motivate you to find these mentors, as well as give you the fire you need to ask your potential mentors for help in a compelling way. Think about what you need, then dream and make a list.

Write and Approach Your “Dream List” of Mentors

There are mentors, then there are “dream list” mentors. Dream list mentors are the mentors you’d pick if you could choose any mentors on the planet. Landing these kinds of “dream list” mentors takes audacity and connections. But it’s certainly doable.

==> How Mark Zuckerberg Landed Bill Gates as His Mentor

When Facebook was still in its infancy with just a few million members, Mark Zuckerberg decided he wanted to make it a platform. He wanted developers to be able to build apps on the platform.

He asked one of his mentors if he could put him in touch with others who’ve developed platforms. His mentor said he might be able to put him in touch with some developers who’ve built a platform in the past.

Zuckerberg said: “I was thinking more along the lines of Bill Gates.”

His mentor laughed at him. Here he was, running a startup social network with far less traffic than MySpace and he wanted Bill Gates to teach him how to build a platform?

The next day, when his mentor walked in. Zuckerberg said “I talked to him.” “Who?” “Bill Gates.”

Zuckerberg just called him up and asked.

==> Be Realistic vs. Be Audacious

The most successful people in the world are much more accessible than you’d think. Successful people had mentors themselves and often want to give back.

You probably don’t want to approach these kinds of mentors until you’ve got some traction. You want your business to be running moderately successfully already. These mentors should help you get to the next level, not help you get your business off the ground.

==> Start with Your Top 10

Write a list of your top 10 dream mentors. These should be the mentors you’d pick if you could choose any mentors on the planet.

Once you’ve written these 10, write out who you know that might know them or know someone who knows them. Make sure to include investors, lawyers and current mentors.

Also write out a list of 10 people who are “close” to your current network that you might be able to reach out to. For example, perhaps the person who owns the building you work out of is a multi-millionaire and could teach you a lot. You might want to put him on your list.

==> Be Audacious in Making Contact

Be audacious in making contact with potential mentors. Successful people respect audacity. Don’t assume that just because they’re more successful they won’t give you the time of day. Remember: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Actively seek out mentors who can help take you to the next level, even if they seem unattainable. If you reach out to 10 such mentors, there’s a very good chance you’ll land a couple.

Should you get credit counselling?

Credit counselling is obviously one of the major alternatives to help people get out of debt. A lot of people may wonder whether it’s worth the money. Here is a little information about how credit counsellors work.

Credit counsellors are just middle men, right?

Technically, yes. You can definitely do their job yourself if you want.

What exactly do they do?

They work with your creditors on getting better payment terms. They might do this by either lengthening the amount of time you have to pay off the loan, reducing the interest rate, or even lowering the grand total.

In most instances they deal with credit card debt, since this is what most people deal with. But before you hire anybody, you should at least attempt to negotiate with your creditors prior to hiring a third party to do it for you. It can’t hurt, after all.

When should you get a debt relief counsellor?

If you are barely able to cover your minimum credit card payments, and don’t have the daily cash flow for the money you are spending. In this instance, you are a prime candidate. And if you are consistently behind in making your payments, then again this would be a wise decision.

How do you pick the right company?

It can sometimes be confusing when examining the different debt relief programs and companies. When comparing your debt relief options, there are several important features you should consider.

Here are three guaranteed ways to help you find the most effective firm:

1) Make sure they are accredited

This basically just states that they have the necessary credentials to deal with your case. If a company has this, you know they are legit. They should be part of the NFCC or AICCCA.

The reality is that there are a lot of scammers in this industry who just take your money and are never heard from again. But you know that if a company has gone to the trouble of getting this accreditation, they are the real deal.

2) Read online reviews

There’s no better way to tell how honest a company is than to see what their current and past customers are saying about them. This is particularly necessary if it’s a firm you’ve never heard of.

3) Look at their upfront charges   

Just make sure you avoid companies that require huge initial fees. Most legit firms charge nothing more than ten dollars for an initial consultation, so if it’s much more then avoid them.

When don’t you need a counsellor?

If you can pay all your bills comfortably, but just want better interest rates. In this instance, there is absolutely no reason for you to hire someone.

So this means you can’t get lower rates?

Not at all. Just negotiate directly with the company you are paying. If they won’t budge, let them know you will go with another company if they don’t come up with something better.

The bottom line: A credit counsellor may not be worth the cost for many people. But if you are drowning in debt, then it may be a sensible option.


Credit Repair- Getting Started

There are all kinds of credit repair tips out there. The reality is that if you have bad credit, there tons of simple solutions. It’s very possible to improve your credit and even completely fix it in a very short time period.

How? Here are four most of the most effective strategies:

1) Credit counselling

This will not only give you strategies for better money management, but the company will negotiate with the creditors on your behalf as well. In many instances they can reduce the amount you owe substantially.

Since they are very experienced in the industry, they have a much better chance of negotiating better terms for you than if you were to do it yourself. (More on this subject tomorrow)

2) Look for mistakes on your credit report

One very simple and easy method to quickly improve your credit is to just scan your report. Anyone can get a copy of their report for free at least once every 12 months, so it doesn’t cost you a dime.

What if you find errors?

Then just call up the credit bureau and let them know. They will investigate it. If they verify that indeed they made a mistake, they will erase it from your report.

This will instantly improve your credit score. And since mistakes are quite common, there’s a good chance of this working.

And don’t give up.

Even if they don’t remove something the first time, keep after them. It might take two to three months, but eventually you can get that erroneous late payment taken off.

3) Pay on time

This is one of the simplest methods to raise your credit. It’s so obvious it might not seem worth mentioning, but it’s one of the most important tips of all.

What if you can’t pay on time?

If this isn’t possible because you have too much debt, attempt to get a consolidation loan. This might reduce the amount you owe, and it also makes it easier for you to pay them.

4) Build up your investments

Instead of spending on things you don’t need, start putting a certain percentage of your money away every month for investing. This is easily one of the best methods to repair your credit.

But be wary of scams.

Remember, there are many firms that go after people with bad credit. They claim they are going to help them you raise your score. But often they just take your money and disappear.

How do you spot those companies?

Basically, if they charge you a huge upfront fee, you know they are dishonest. Also, if they say to dispute everything on your credit report even if it’s right, it’s certain they are not legit.

By implementing these tips, one at a time, you can improve your overall credit rating.

7 Habits That Lead to a Success Mindset

To get what you want, whether it’s in your personal or professional life, learn to do what works. For most people, this means creating a habit. But a habit isn’t something that never changes.

A success habit is always evolving.

Habit #1 – Make sure what you want is really what YOU want.

Don’t do something just because you should. Check in with yourself every 30 days to make sure that the path you’re on is the one you want to stay on. Doing this prevents you from ending up with a result that don’t satisfy you.

Make sure you’re not abandoning something out of fear of failure. There’s a big difference between doing what’s right for you and doing something that feels easier.

Habit #2 – Begin every day with motivation.

These are things that work to get you to take the next step. For example, if you need to go for a run to clear your head and get some time to think, then do that. If you need to use specific habits every morning to get into the flow, then let those habits be what helps you to get into your day.

Starting off with motivational reminders is like eating breakfast in the morning – it helps fuel you throughout your day. You also want to spend a minute or two looking back over your day–be proud of what you did accomplish!

Habit #3 – Don’t chase success to the point that you stop dreaming.

Your success begins with an idea, a hope – a dream. If you go all out, driving hard, keeping your nose to the grindstone, you can reach the point where your mindset becomes fixed.

All you can see is the result rather than the journey. Remember that on your way to getting what you define as success, you will never have these days filled with learning curves again.

Sometimes it becomes a chore to just blast through a task list – especially if you forget about why you’re doing everything. If your goal is to live on the beach, make sure you routinely revisit those plans to keep you inspired!

Habit #4 – Make sure you leave room to grow.

You need to have a success mindset that keeps you learning even when you feel you’ve made it. There’s always something else that you can learn. Seek out new resources online, books, new niche leaders who teach things from a different perspective – anything that helps round out your education.

Habit #5 – Answer to someone else.

Have someone in your life that you’re accountable to. Make time to meet with someone who can help keep you on track for reaching your success. You want this person to be someone who can tell you when you’re driving yourself too hard and someone who can help steer you around dead ends.

Sometimes you won’t have a specific person in your life capable of doing that. You can turn to a paid life coach or even join a forum of like-minded, positive individuals all aiming for their own success.

Habit #6 – Learn to trust yourself.

When you go after what you want in life, there will always be someone waiting to tell you that something is either a good idea or a bad idea. Everyone has a built-in alarm that will sound if something is off.

You’ll feel it as knots in the pit of your stomach or as a sense of unease. When you begin trusting yourself in these situations, it helps you develop a sense of self-confidence and strength.

Habit #7 – Understand that roadblocks are going to happen.

You must determine ahead of time that you won’t give up – you won’t surrender a growth mindset to a fixed one. Roadblocks can often be used as character builders. They can strengthen your resolve and help you learn to become more resourceful as you find another way to do what you want to get done. If you become too comfortable , you often don’t get to the ultimate success that you’re after.

Money Matters: How to Systematize Your Business

Here’s an all-too-common scenario: A seemingly successful small business owner is hard at work growing her business. She’s working lots of hours, and her hourly rate is respectable. But her cash flow is dismal.


Because she’s working so hard that finding the time to actually take control of her money is impossible.

Invoices don’t get sent on time. Past due balances are ignored. Taxes aren’t done. And maybe worst of all, she’s got dozens of recurring payments that go out automatically each and every month, and she has no idea what they are or if she’s even using the programs she’s paying for.

Sound familiar? Sadly, that’s exactly what a lot of “successful” businesses look like. When you work at home, and you’re accountable to no one but yourself, it’s far too easy to let these little things slide until, like an avalanche, they have a devastating effect on your business.

The good news is, cleaning it up is easy, when you take the time to put some trusted systems in place.

Start with your billing. Sign up for (and use) a system such as Freshbooks or Harvest, which will automate your timekeeping and produce an invoice with a single click of a button. Then put your billing day on your calendar as an unbreakable appointment.

Log into your timekeeping app, generate your invoices, and click send. You’ll be done in a jiffy. Not only that, but most billing systems automatically send follow-up messages for unpaid invoices, so you don’t have to worry about tracking down those slow pays.

For your expenses, use a single system. That might be PayPal or a dedicated credit card or even your business checking account. Whatever it is, be sure it has a reporting feature that will allow you to send monthly statements to your accountant. At the end of every month, bundle that up with your sales report and your receipts, and send it off. When tax time rolls around, you’ll be sitting back with your feet up while everyone else scrambles to find documents and update their accounting system.

If you do your own taxes (kudos to you!) then look for tools that will talk to each other easily. For example, you can download a Quickbooks file right from PayPal for super-fast reconciliation at the end of every month. That alone will save you hours of “doing the books.”

Just putting these two simple systems in place can easily save you 10+ hours per month, but the even larger benefit is that the money work will get done. And what that will do for your cash flow is priceless.

Starring You

Create a Mental Movie to Achieve Your Goals

We all have something in life (or work) that we want to accomplish. Most of the time we don’t know how to go about achieving these goals and we just allow ourselves to fail by simply giving up. You can increase your chances of success by creating a mental movie. It is a creative and simple way to program your mind–and it’s fun!

Making mental movies is a creative visualization technique used by Neuro-Linguistic Practitioners to help clients reprogram their mind to overcome fears or phobias, heal past traumas or to achieve work or life goals. If you know the goal you want to achieve then you can take advantage of this powerful tool to help you create a successful outcome. It’s a 4 step process.

Step 1: Decide your goal

Identify the goal you want to achieve–even if it seems incredible or impossible to you. It must be specific. Write it down.

Step 2: Create a blueprint or script

Okay–you know the end point; the goal. It is important that you create a blueprint or script describing the exact change you want to make. You are author, director and producer of your movie. For it to be useful and create a successful outcome it must:

  • Use all five senses
  • Be very descriptive and
  • Be written in the present tense

For example, if your goal is to become more confident in social situations your blueprint or script might look like this:

I am at a party for a friend’s birthday. The room is brightly lit with music playing. There are red, blue, yellow and green balloons everywhere. I can hear people talking and laughing. I am standing in the center of a group of people talking about a movie. Everyone is listening. They are smiling at me and I feel happy. The beat of the music pulses through me making me feel invigorated. I feel comfortable talking and listening with others.

With every sip of my drink I feel stronger and more confident. Each bit of the delicious food makes me feel happier. I am smiling…

You can include different scenes, just like in a real movie. So change the situations to include any that are important in helping you to create the movie of the life you desire.

Step 3: Relax

This is how you will get your subconscious mind to open up and be receptive to your mental movie, so  it is very important to relax.

Find somewhere comfortable. Close your eyes. Tense every muscle in your body and then release. Repeat twice more. Now breathe in deeply through your nose to a count of five and out through your mouth to a count of eight. Repeat this three times or until you feel relaxed.

Step 4: Play your movie

This is where the mental programming takes place. While relaxed, play your mental movie showing you living the goal you set. It is important that your movie is played as if you are living it now. Feel the emotions, experience the sights and sounds. Don’t forget to include all your senses to make the experience feel real.

To make sure that your new mental program is fully installed you will need to repeat steps 3 and 4 every day for 30 days for best effect.

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill

Build Confidence in Yourself One Day at a Time

Many of us have many goals and dreams we envision for our lives, but without self-confidence, we’ll get nowhere with them.  Building confidence in yourself will give you the motivation you need to achieve everything you want out of life.
Here are three exercises you can try each day to gain the self-confidence you need.
Start a journal. A confidence-boosting journal should contain positive things you did for that day. Most people accomplish a lot of little things in the span of 24 hours, but don’t really think of them as achievements.  As you look back on your entries of positive accomplishments, it will give you motivation to achieve even more.
List your goals in baby steps.  Instead of setting a goal to accomplish the whole thing at once, try breaking it down in tiny steps that need to meet each day. Each time you get to cross off the little steps, you gain more confidence in yourself and you’ll empower yourself to reach the next step until you’ve achieved the primary goal.
Read inspirational quotes.  Search the Internet or purchase a book with lots of inspirational quotes on confidence or self-esteem. Read one of the quotes daily and see if you can apply it to your life throughout the day.
 Here’s a little pocket journal you can fold up and tuck into your pocket or purse!

Self confidence Affirmation Journal