People Pleasing Isn’t Always Pleasing

Why You Need to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

Do you put everyone before yourself? Is saying yes a habit, more than a true intention? If more people helped others, the world would be a better place, right?  However, psychologist Susan Newman says it can be dangerous to be a constant people-pleaser.

This behavior can lead to you not taking care of your personal obligations, developing resentment for those around you, and eventually feeling under-appreciated and taken advantage of. Newman is the author of The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say and Mean It, and Stop People-Pleasing Forever. She points to the following reasons why you should not let helping others get out of hand.

Your Relationships Can Suffer

You probably want to help everyone, and make everybody happy, if you can’t say no. Sometimes though, trying to please everyone means leaving some people out. You have already agreed to so many obligations there is not enough time left on your schedule. Also, when you take on too many commitments, the quality of your efforts can suffer. This means your personal and business relationships can be damaged as a result.

You Begin to Resent Yourself

A lot of “yes men” and women do not like that part of their personality. They realize that they are stress-filled because they are constantly trying to keep everyone around them happy. They see their own obligations taking a backseat, while the people they do favors for advance in business and in their personal lives. This can cause you to resent yourself, as you recognize your people-pleasing personality is pleasing everyone but you.

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You Might be Hurting Those You Care About

If you do everything for your friends, family members and coworkers, they never experience growth. You limit their ability to take on new tasks successfully when you can’t help them, because they may not know what to do on their own. Even if you see someone you care about struggling in a particular endeavor, sometimes it’s best to let them learn the process themselves. Doing it for themselves develops a new skill and an improved sense of self-esteem.

You Might Be Wrong

Really, you are not a mind-reader, are you? Is your behavior based on what you think will please someone else? This is the case with a lot of people-pleasers. They try to guess what will make others happy and then act accordingly, even if it is detrimental to their own situation. Trying to assume what will keep everyone happy could lead to the opposite result.

Hello Valentine

What If You Speak Different [Love] Languages?

communication-web1015376_1280Love is definitely a major prosperity item–could you ever have too much love? Sometimes how we feel is hard to express to that certain someone or you have trouble communicating. There might be a reason for that! Have you heard of the five love languages? They are based on a book by Gary Chapman and the idea is that we all express love in one of five different ways.

On the flip side, we can also appreciate how love is shown to us differently depending on what our main love language is.

It only makes sense that if you speak one language and your partner a different one, issues can come up and we don’t feel appreciated and loved.

Let’s take a look at what the five love languages are, how you can determine what both yours and your partner’s love language is and what you can do with this new-found knowledge.

The Five Love Languages

The five love languages are gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. Let’s look at each of them and an example of how love can be expressed in this language.


Gifts are physical items of appreciation. They can, but don’t have to be expensive. Jewelry is the perfect example for expressing this particular love language. Go ahead and buy that pair of earrings for your spouse’s birthday, or grab some flowers and a cute stuffed animal for Valentine’s Day. How about tickets to a favorite play or concert?

Quality Time

Here’s the best way to show you care is to spend quality time with your significant other. Go for a walk, have coffee and a chat at your local coffee shop or start taking dance lessons together. Any way you can find to spend time together will work. This could even be driving to and from work together, talking about your day as you drive.

Words Of Affirmationtypewriter web-1062697_1280

Words of affirmation may sound fancy, but it simply means telling your partner you care and giving compliments. Tell her she looks pretty in the new dress or that you love her new haircut. Tell your favorite guy that he’s rocking those jeans or how much you appreciate that he changed the oil in your car. Use your words to show your love.

Acts of Service

Acts of service means you do something for your loved one to show you care. This could be a big gesture like painting the house while your wife is away for a few days, but it can also be the little things. Like making sure the coffee maker is all filled up and set to go in the morning, or taking out the trash. Cooking a favorite meal is another wonderful act of service.

Physical Touch

Thands-web 63743_1280he last love language is physical touch. I’m sure you already guessed this is all about physical affection. Hugs and kisses are the perfect way to show your love, but even simple acts like holding hands or putting your arm around your spouse as you walk around is the perfect public show of affection and it won’t go unnoticed.

Your Love Language and Your Partner’s Love Language

As you were reading through the examples of the different love languages above, you probably recognized one or two that mean more than the others to you. Yes, you may like gifts, but quality time or physical affection may be a lot more meaningful to you.

Go back and read through them again with your partner in mind. How does he show affection? It can be an eye opening experience, if the two of you speak different love languages. If your language is words of affirmation and his is acts of service, you may be disappointed that he doesn’t tell you often how much he loves you or how cute you look. Instead, he may show his love by making sure your car has gas and he gets up early to fix you coffee and eggs before you head into work.

Realizing that there are different ways to show love and affection helps us recognize how the other one shows their love.

Expressing Love and Romance In The Right “Language”

From there, you can take it a step further. Adjust how you express love and romance to be more in line with your partner’s love language. If he’s all about acts of service, cook him a nice meal, or make sure the toys in the living room are picked up so the two of you can relax in the living room after the kids go to bed.

Give it a try and see if speaking several love languages and paying attention to how your partner wants and needs to be shown affection doesn’t strengthen your relationship and marriage

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Don’t Forget Small Business Saturday, November 29!

Shop Local

Looking for an unusual gift? Try shopping the small businesses in your city. Maybe that little shop you have always meant to drop in and look around.
A couple of our favorites, all women owned:

“I Like You showcases the wares of over 200 hip, independent crafters and artists from the Minneapolis area”
Pamper yourself and get a great deal during their three day event starting on the 29th.
An art gallery, gift shop, and artistic experience located in the heart of Lowertown St. Paul. (Yes, you can make it to St. Paul!) Lots of shops on Grand Avenue, too!
What’s your favorite local small business?

Black Friday–Are You Ready?

black friAh, Black Friday–the day after Thanksgiving. What is it for you: a shopper’s dream or the worst nightmare ever?

Have you noticed that Black Friday has been creeping further and further back towards, ahem, Thursday?  What do you think they will call that? Gray Thursday?  Here in Minnesota, I have a vision of thousands of parka-clad shoppers waiting in long lines outside stores and shopping malls to get the truly fabulous bargains offered during this crazy time! Each person holding a thermal paper plate of mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing and turkey. Okay–we are not there yet and the bargains are pretty good if you have stamina and a Plan.  The major component of the Plan is your Christmas list of who you need to get gifts for and a bottle of water.

Are You Ready?

Armed with your Christmas list, experts advise that you go directly to the departments where your items can be found. If it’s a store you aren’t familiar with, some people visit it  before Black Friday so you can easily find the best route on B-Day.

Avoid browsing and try not to buy anything for yourself. Time is precious on this day, and there are always mobs of people trying to grab that last sale item on the rack.

Black Friday does offer great deals and Rich Chicks has some tips for you. Don’t even ask how we came up with these tips–let’s just chalk it up to field experience in combat retailing.

* Check out the newspapers the week of Black Friday for sale items.
* Clip out any coupons from the newspapers as well as online coupons that can be utilized in stores.
* Check each store’s online website to determine what items you will be purchasing.
* Check out what time the stores will open and close. Keep in mind some stores offer sales for a few hours only.
* Wear comfortable clothing and shoes.
* Try to pay for items with cash (use a waist pouch or a neck pouch to store the cash). Bring a bottle of water – it can get awfully hot!
* If you have to pay with a credit card, use only one card and pay off the balance as soon as possible.
* Take someone with you so that you can both shop for the items on your list.

In any case, stay focused on your mission; stay vigilant about those around you, and stick to your list.

After you stagger back to your car with your packages, take a moment to plan your Victory Celebration. Reward yourself  appropriately (yes, you get to decide what is appropriate for surviving Black Friday)

And me? Umm–on-line shopping is starting to look really good…

The Sun is Beautiful–and Dangerous

by Karen Karsten (former Sunburn Queen)

Seems like a long time since we’ve had to worry about sunburn! Here at last is summer with all the glorious greenery and warmth. Just remember, protecting your skin is very important when you arsun facee outdoors.  

Sunburns can really put a damper on your life (it hurts!) and can cause premature aging and skin cancer.  Here are five tips to save your beautiful skin–toast a bit but don’t burn….

  1. Stay in the shade when possible.  Not only will this protect you from the sun, it will also keep you from getting so hot.
  2. Wear a good sweat proof sunscreen with an SPF of 15 or higher.  It only takes a few minutes to put it on before you go out, and it keeps you from having to worry about getting burned.
  3. Make sure you’re completely covered.  Areas that are often forgotten or not covered well when it comes to sunscreen include the ears, neck, and the portion of the scalp that is exposed by the part of your hair.  Our lips need sunscreen too, so invest in a good lip balm or lipstick with sun protection in it.
  4. Don’t underestimate the power of the sun.  Being out for as little as 30 minutes without sunscreen can produce a burn, especially if you have fair skin. 
  5. Be sure to wear sunscreen when you’re in the water.  You don’t feel a burn as easily, but the sun’s effects are actually intensified because the water reflects the sun onto your skin

Some forms of sun damage are very dangerous. Click here to receive a short ecourse to help you recognize them easily.

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Credit Card Types

 Alec Baldwin pitches a credit card—and wants to know “What’s in your wallet?”  Another celebrity pitches a card that shows a person being showered with all the money they get back from their spending. Are they really good deals?  

When applying for any type of credit card, it is important to research the APR of each credit card, and any fees that are required.  Department store credit cards have the highest interest rate.  Remember your credit history and FICO score determines what level of APR you may be able to receive. A low-interest rate card with a higher credit line requires a good credit history. 

How do you know which card of the dozens out there are best for you? There are many types of credit cards around, traditional credit cards and many others that are widely used.  Here are some of the more popular ones: 

Reward Programs

Be careful with these cards—they often have a higher cost that is not offset by the rewards.  Here is one tool to compare credit card rates and benefits. Be sure that the benefit is one you will use–you are paying for it whether you collect or not.

There are some credit card companies that offer rewards as an incentive to use their card.  For example, every purchase made with yields points.  When you reach 2500 points, you receive a $25.00 Amazon gift certificate.

 Cash rewards are offered by some cards that yield approximately 1% of your purchases. Check here to see when you actually get the cash reward–right away, or when you reach some spending amount.

 There are also cards that offer such rewards as electronics, hotel accommodations, airline tickets, and more.  Depending upon the number of points you attain, this determines the type of reward you can select.  

 Credit cards are also available in conjunction with hotels, airlines, and department stores.  There are gas cards that offer points or rebates, automotive reward cards, home improvement credit cards and, of course, airline-specific credit cards that offer points towards ticket purchases such as the Frequent Flier credit card.

 “Secured” Cards

 If you have bad credit or have filed bankruptcy, there are secured credit cards that require you to deposit a specific amount into the credit card company’s account.  It is equivalent to a debit card, but in this case you are working your way back to reparation of credit.

 Prepaid Cards

There are also credit cards that are prepaid.  This allows you to charge based on the amount of money you have put into an account.  Thus, there are no finance fees to worry about and it is akin to a “pay as you go” type of credit card.

 Business Credit Cards

  Among the other types of credit cards are business credit cards such as American Express and others.  Depending upon the bank, there may be incentives and special offers applied to business owners who open up a business account credit card.  

Cards for Students

Credit cards for students who attend colleges and universities enabling them to begin to establish their credit history. It also keeps the credit line at an appropriate level until such time as the student has proven they can use these cards responsibly.


Stars Above, Stars Below

starry nightIs astrology your guilty pleasure? Looking at your horoscope in the paper or online doesn’t really give you a picture of YOU. For that you need an astrologer. I’m pleased to present guest blogger, Sharon Leah, writer, artist and astrologer.

Humans have been staring into space and following the movement of planets and stars for eons.  

Isaac Newton said: That which is below is like that which is above and that which is above is like that which is below to do the miracles of one only thing. And he was echoing a philosophy that had existed since at least the 3rd Century. What he and many others were saying is that when planets, including the Sun and Moon, move through the signs and degrees of the zodiac belt, applying to and separating from relationships with other, those activities are mirrored in the events and actions we take here on earth. Do you think that’s weird? I agree. But nonetheless, it works.  

After working with astrology for 16 years, I know it is a powerful indicator of what is likely to happen. I know that what often does happen is predicable, because people’s behaviors are predictable. I know that each of our lives holds promises for what CAN BE. And I know, without doubt, that each of us is the director of our own life—but we don’t always see it that way.  

Almost two years ago, I had the very good fortune to attend an Astrology conference in Chandler, Arizona. The topic of that conference was Traditional Astrology. It was there that my study of astrology took a sharp turn, and I’ve never looked back.   

Each astrologer develops their own approach to astrology, consultations, and working with clients. I approach astrology from a traditional point of view, which means I practice being objective and leave the psychology for therapists to manage. I use objective analysis to interpret what I see in the chart, and then I tell you how and where these occurrences can show up in day-to-day life. I don’t try to interpret what’s in your mind.  

A consultation is a conversation. You talk and I’ll talk. And I’ll ask questions, because I’m not a psychic or a mind-reader. You know how your life works, and you are the best authority. You can ask questions, too. My goal for each consultation is that you’ll have information you can use to make choices and decisions about what you want to do in your life.

Call Sharon Leah 651-454-4635 or email her

Schedule a consultation here

Money Talks

money shower smallI recently heard someone say “Well, you know money talks and BS walks.” I know a lot about BS—I have a well-developed BS detector that activates quickly to keep me from stepping in it. I was intrigued by the idea of “money talks,” though.

I think money does talk—are you listening to it? In the real world, money isn’t just paper and coins—it’s bank accounts, credit cards, retirement funds to name a few. I thought about money and what it says in my own life. I discovered that Money has a very limited vocabulary. “Hello” and “Goodbye” with an occasional “See You Later” pretty much covers it all!

Money says hello as income—from every source, salary, dividends, gifts and even the lottery. It’s easy to tell when Money is saying “Hello.” The other side of Money Talk is “Goodbye.” Maybe you aren’t even aware of the seemingly limitless ways money says “Goodbye.” You probably say Goodbye to a considerable part of your income for normal bills like rent or mortgage payment, food, car, medical, childcare, taxes etc. An exception Goodbye is your retirement plan—you are not really saying Goodbye, it’s more like “See You Later.”

Now about those other stealth Goodbyes. Check your credit card statement. Down at the bottom, or somewhere on the page is Money, saying “Goodbye.”  The box that says how much interest you paid to buy things is right there, waving at you. The higher your balance and the higher your interest rate is, Money is waving a BIG Goodbye. You may pay $100.00 on your bill, but not all of it goes to pay off the balance. Take a look at the truth-in-lending part of your bill—it will tell you how much it will cost you over time.

Another way Money says a quiet and well-hidden Goodbye is bank charges. Check out your bank statement. Some banks actually charge you to have a paper statement mailed to your home. If they do, maybe it’s time to switch to on-line only. Look for other charges you aren’t sure of and give the bank a call to clear things up. It’s important for you to look at your accounts frequently—more than once a month.  It’s one of the best ways to find out if there are charges to your account that you did not authorize. It may be that you might be looking for a new bank or credit union, one that doesn’t have extra charges.

Retirement funds (IRA, 401K, etc) have a lot of Hellos and Goodbyes. It’s the nature of the market—Bull-Bear, Up-Down. Hello to fund growth and reinvested dividends. There is one hidden Goodbye you can look at, and that is how much you are being charged to have the funds in your account. Contact your financial advisor and find out if the funds you hold charge more or less than the industry average. The fee can be pretty invisible, but it’s there all the same.

Speaking of retirement funds (except Roth IRAs) the Really Big Goodbye is when you cash out too early. There are some exceptions, but for the most part, you will not only get penalized for the early withdrawal—you will have to pay taxes on it too.

There are lots of other ways Money says Goodbye. Check out your own life and see where your Hellos and Goodbyes are. It’s way better to see Money walking toward you waving Hello than walking away from you waving Goodbye.

Creative Spirit

My company, Rich Chicks™ is about finding richness in all areas of one’s life: body, mind, spirit and finances. For me, the creative spirit is a big part in everything I do. I love to teach and I love to write, so I started a writer’s group in my building a few years ago. It is a small group that meets twice a month. The first meeting we write and the second one we read from any individual project we are working on. This blog piece is from one of the writing meetings. I create or find prompts the writers can choose from and we write straight through for 7 to 8 minutes on whatever their interpretation of the topic is. It is fun—that’s the point of this writing–to just start writing and keep writing until the timer dings. Do NOT stop for misspellings and don’t cross anything out. This helps keep your left-brain editor out of the picture.  The prompt for the flash fiction below was “On the night of the full moon.” 

The full moon was playing hide-and-seek with clouds—a perfect night for the little trick-and-treaters who had been ringing Doris’ front doorbell this evening. Ding dong—“Trick or treat, trick or treat.” Doris was just putting more candy in a large bowl, careful to leave the Snickers bag for last. They were her favorite.  

She opened the door to a little band of princesses, Batmen, vampires, pirates, wizards, and zombies, who were accompanied by her across-the-street neighbor Bob. They were red-cheeked and excited as they held out their bags to collect goodies. Doris was very generous, as they were probably the last bunch. “Thank you,” they all said in unison. She could hear them walking noisily down the street. She smiled to herself and headed for her bag of fun-size Snickers.  

etcolorwebShe had just unwrapped a Snicker and popped it in her mouth when the doorbell rang again. She was surprised to have such late tricksters, and went to the door with her big bowl. “Trick or treat,” said a very reedy, odd sounding voice. She opened the door and there stood a mint-green creature with pointy ears and a furry bluish body. The four eyes on its head wiggled around on stalk-like protrusions. She noticed the eyes were all different colors: orange, green, blue and purple.  

No question, she thought. Not an Earthling. “What planet are you from?” she asked pleasantly as she offered her candy bowl.  One of the eyes, the orange one, glowed and turned on its stalk to look up at her.  Doris was starting to feel uncomfortable…  (ding dong–the timer went off. Pen down.)

There are lots of places on the internet to find writing prompts, or you can just make them up. Even just opening the dictionary and randomly picking a word works! Writer’s Digest will email you a weekly prompt if you sign up for it. You can also collect conversation bits you hear (or overhear) in coffee shops or other places where people gather. A couple that I have heard and used are “You know it’s not his baby, right?” “We don’t have to tell her we are going, do we?” and “But mom will never believe that.” You would be surprised what you hear!  Got any favorite prompts or sources to share? Cheers, Karen

Do You Doodle?

Do you doodle on purpose or just when you are bored? I used to doodle only when my attention was waning and my mind wandered off to somewhere in the joy jungle of my right brain. If someone glanced at me in a meeting and saw me doodling, I would quickly cover it up. Now I know that doodling actually helps me pay attention! Interesting study here. “Alleluia,” says my right brain. “Let me at it!”

So I started doodling on purpose, and enlisted the aid of two books on the subject that you might find interesting. (and yes, they are affiliate links, but I do actually own both of these books). You can actually solve problems with doodles, not just create them at meetings. If you are a color pen freak, get out your pens and an unlined piece of paper. If you are not a color pen freak, my strong suggestion is that you become one. On the piece of paper, write a word for your problem. Like, say, MONEY. Then just start doodling. I like having a kind of structured way to doodle, which both of these books illustrate. After a bit of easy doodling, just see if you come up with some words that pertain to your problem. Write them down quickly and keep do-do-doodling.  The doodle below is one I did about time. So–do you  doodle?  Pens ready? GO!   Best, Karen

medbig doodle

Creative Doodling & Beyond: Inspiring exercises, prompts, and projects for turning simple doodles into beautiful works of art

Doodles Unleashed: Mixed-Media Techniques for Doodling, Mark-Making & Lettering