Is this you? You have a voice in your head. It talks all the time, but you don’t always hear it because you’ve heard it so often it’s easy to ignore. This voice points out your flaws and mistakes. This is negative self-talk—bad-mouthing yourself, destroying your self-confidence, and sabotaging your success.
Negative self-talk gets in your head, courtesy of earlier experiences and negative input from people who don’t have your best interests at heart. Once there, it is a bad song playing over and over, often in the background, until you quit trying. Your dreams fade and you find yourself not doing much at all.
It doesn’t have to be this way. You can take your life back and put an end to the negative self-talk once and for all. Try these things:
Find the Calm
First of all, when you’re overly emotional and overwhelmed mentally you can’t combat anything. Find a quiet place and sit down. Bring your attention to your breath, letting go of thoughts and sensations, returning to the breath again and again until you can reach a peaceful place internally. Even a minute or two of mindful breathing can help. Journaling also helps a lot by getting those thoughts outside yourself where you can actually see it.
Listen to What You’re Thinking
Don’t avoid the negative thought. Listen to it. Really listen. What is it saying? Try writing the thought or thoughts down. Whose voice does it sound like? There is a committee in your head, very willing to sabotage your confidence in yourself. Meet the committee head-on!
Dig into the Root Cause
What does this thought represent? Where did it come from? Is this from an expectation you put on yourself at some point, or does it come from someone else entirely?
Drop the Unreasonable Expectation
Perfection is a killer. It stops you dead in your tracks, keeping you from finishing or starting things. Are you trying too hard to be perfect in some regard? Is there a more reasonable expectation you can put on yourself in the place of this thought? Fear of failure
Shift the Thought
What is the positive side to this thought? For example, if you’re worried about doing something new, remind yourself of a time when you tackled a new project and it turned out well. How good did that feel?
Habits are Key
If this thought is one which comes around often, what is a new thought or thoughts you want to replace it with? Write it down. How can you make this thought a habit? The more you react in a new way to an old stimulus, the quicker a new habit is formed, and the old reaction disappears.
Just Stop
In the end, the way to get rid of a negative thought is to consciously put a halt to it. Now that you are aware of the negative thoughts, you can work on shifting your thinking. Give the Committee an eviction notice and tell yourself to stop when the idea comes up again. Remind yourself of your replacement thought and use it.
Ask yourself “Would I talk to anyone else the way I talk to myself?” Be your own best friend and talk kindly to yourself!
