7 Tips to Stop Bad-Mouthing Yourself

Is this you? You have a voice in your head. It talks all the time, but you don’t always hear it because you’ve heard it so often it’s easy to ignore. This voice points out your flaws and mistakes. This is negative self-talk—bad-mouthing yourself, destroying your self-confidence, and sabotaging your success.

Negative self-talk gets in your head, courtesy of earlier experiences and negative input from people who don’t have your best interests at heart.  Once there, it is a bad song playing over and over, often in the background, until you quit trying. Your dreams fade and you find yourself not doing much at all.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You can take your life back and put an end to the negative self-talk once and for all. Try these things:

Find the Calm

First of all, when you’re overly emotional and overwhelmed mentally you can’t combat anything. Find a quiet place and sit down. Bring your attention to your breath, letting go of thoughts and sensations, returning to the breath again and again until you can reach a peaceful place internally. Even a minute or two of mindful breathing can help. Journaling also helps a lot by getting those thoughts outside yourself where you can actually see it.

Listen to What You’re Thinking

Don’t avoid the negative thought. Listen to it. Really listen. What is it saying? Try writing the thought or thoughts down. Whose voice does it sound like? There is a committee in your head, very willing to sabotage your confidence in yourself. Meet the committee head-on!

Dig into the Root Cause

What does this thought represent? Where did it come from? Is this from an expectation you put on yourself at some point, or does it come from someone else entirely?

Drop the Unreasonable Expectation

Perfection is a killer. It stops you dead in your tracks, keeping you from finishing or starting things. Are you trying too hard to be perfect in some regard? Is there a more reasonable expectation you can put on yourself in the place of this thought?  Fear of failure

Shift the Thought

What is the positive side to this thought? For example, if you’re worried about doing something new, remind yourself of a time when you tackled a new project and it turned out well. How good did that feel?

Habits are Key

If this thought is one which comes around often, what is a new thought or thoughts you want to replace it with? Write it down. How can you make this thought a habit? The more you react in a new way to an old stimulus, the quicker a new habit is formed, and the old reaction disappears.

Just Stop

In the end, the way to get rid of a negative thought is to consciously put a halt to it. Now that you are aware of the negative thoughts, you can work on shifting your thinking. Give the Committee an eviction notice and tell yourself to stop when the idea comes up again. Remind yourself of your replacement thought and use it.

Ask yourself “Would I talk to anyone else the way I talk to myself?” Be your own best friend and talk kindly to yourself!

7 Habits That Lead to a Success Mindset

To get what you want, whether it’s in your personal or professional life, learn to do what works. For most people, this means creating a habit. But a habit isn’t something that never changes.

A success habit is always evolving.

Habit #1 – Make sure what you want is really what YOU want.

Don’t do something just because you should. Check in with yourself every 30 days to make sure that the path you’re on is the one you want to stay on. Doing this prevents you from ending up with a result that don’t satisfy you.

Make sure you’re not abandoning something out of fear of failure. There’s a big difference between doing what’s right for you and doing something that feels easier.

Habit #2 – Begin every day with motivation.

These are things that work to get you to take the next step. For example, if you need to go for a run to clear your head and get some time to think, then do that. If you need to use specific habits every morning to get into the flow, then let those habits be what helps you to get into your day.

Starting off with motivational reminders is like eating breakfast in the morning – it helps fuel you throughout your day. You also want to spend a minute or two looking back over your day–be proud of what you did accomplish!

Habit #3 – Don’t chase success to the point that you stop dreaming.

Your success begins with an idea, a hope – a dream. If you go all out, driving hard, keeping your nose to the grindstone, you can reach the point where your mindset becomes fixed.

All you can see is the result rather than the journey. Remember that on your way to getting what you define as success, you will never have these days filled with learning curves again.

Sometimes it becomes a chore to just blast through a task list – especially if you forget about why you’re doing everything. If your goal is to live on the beach, make sure you routinely revisit those plans to keep you inspired!

Habit #4 – Make sure you leave room to grow.

You need to have a success mindset that keeps you learning even when you feel you’ve made it. There’s always something else that you can learn. Seek out new resources online, books, new niche leaders who teach things from a different perspective – anything that helps round out your education.

Habit #5 – Answer to someone else.

Have someone in your life that you’re accountable to. Make time to meet with someone who can help keep you on track for reaching your success. You want this person to be someone who can tell you when you’re driving yourself too hard and someone who can help steer you around dead ends.

Sometimes you won’t have a specific person in your life capable of doing that. You can turn to a paid life coach or even join a forum of like-minded, positive individuals all aiming for their own success.

Habit #6 – Learn to trust yourself.

When you go after what you want in life, there will always be someone waiting to tell you that something is either a good idea or a bad idea. Everyone has a built-in alarm that will sound if something is off.

You’ll feel it as knots in the pit of your stomach or as a sense of unease. When you begin trusting yourself in these situations, it helps you develop a sense of self-confidence and strength.

Habit #7 – Understand that roadblocks are going to happen.

You must determine ahead of time that you won’t give up – you won’t surrender a growth mindset to a fixed one. Roadblocks can often be used as character builders. They can strengthen your resolve and help you learn to become more resourceful as you find another way to do what you want to get done. If you become too comfortable , you often don’t get to the ultimate success that you’re after.